Am I materialistic?

Last few days I been asked by many as to what I would want as a gift.. no, its not my birthday or anything.. just that my mom is returning from US and my bro & sis wants to send some gifts with her.. and that my wife is returning from Dubai after a couple of months and wants to bring something for me...

So what is so wrong with that, you ask... nothing, if one does not read between the lines... when I think about it a bit more... i wonder why my wife keeps asking me if I want an iphone.. is it just because she thinks I need a new phone (my current phone is not in great shape) or is it that she thinks that buying me a gift will cover up for her extended absence... that I would prefer getting the iphone than her presence.... I don't know... may it is.. maybe it isn't... and ofcourse I will give her the benefit of doubt... I always do (ok ok... atleast mostly do)

but this raises the bigger question.. irrespective of their motives... am I looking at happiness from material things... maybe I do.. recently I have been spending all my 'internet' time on surfing websites selling stuff that i like (electronics, bike gear etc), looking for new house, new car and on Bike related sites... while time spent on bike / tours related sites is to experience the life what I would like to live... and believe me I will never have the kind of time required for that kind of touring... but what about the other sites... why am I spending so much time of that... guess I am trying to look for happiness from material things.. and while everyone enjoy some luxuries, I always thought real happiness come from relationships.. all kinds of relationships (wife, parents, siblings, children, friends, colleagues... i guess u get the idea :-)).. and from little things that do not require money...

so am I changing... maybe i have been changing since some time now... its only realisation has dawned upon me only now... but I have also realised that these things don't make me happy...

reckon my current state can be summed up by the statement in the book 'Shantaram' - My heart moves through deep and silent water. No-one and nothing, can really hurt me. N0-one and nothing, can make me very happy. I am tough, which is probably the saddest thing you can say about a man.

but that's just the current state... It will be over... sooner than later... and as Arnold would have said it 'I 'ill be back'.... you bet your **s I will... I have to...

Zindagi ke liye waqt

another poem that I like... source unknown (to me)

हर खुशी है लोगों के दामन में,
पर एक हँसी के लिए वकत नही.
दिन रात दौड़ती दुनिया में,
ज़िंदगी के लिए ही वकत नही.

माँ की लोरी का एहसास तो है,
पर माँ को माँ कहने का वकत नही.
सारे रिश्तों को तो हम मार चुके,
अब उन्हें दफनाने का भी वक्त नही.

सारे नाम मोबाइल में हैं,
पर दोस्ती के लिए वकत नही.
गैरों की क्या बात करें,
जब अपनों के लिए ही वक्त नही.

आंखों मे है नींद बड़ी,
पर सोने का भी वकत नही.
दिल है ग़मों से भरा हुआ,
पर रोने का भी वक्त नही.

पैसों की दौड़ मे ऐसे दौडे,
की थकने का भी वक्त नही.
पराये एहसासों की क्या कद्र करें,
जब अपने सप्नों के लिए ही वकत नही.

तू ही बता ऐ ज़िंदगी,
इस ज़िंदगी का क्या होगा,
की हर पल मरने वालों को,
जीने के लिए भी वकत नही.......